I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with fiction. We currently live in an age where there are countless works of fiction iterated infinitely by the similarly infinite bounds of human creativity even to this very moment. Yet, it results in this frustrating problem where I as a reader need to comb through those countless works of fiction to find the one that satisfies my recreational needs just right for any particular moment. This is my fancier way of recounting my woes of reading mangas and manhwas.

However, every time I struck gold on a particular title, it is pure ecstasy. The rush I felt whenever a new story begins to catch my intrigue? It is simply addictive. I recently found an amazing manhwa title that helps me see what is it that I like to read the most. The title of the manhwa is Infinite Mage. The story itself isn't doing anything new, being about a baby abandoned in the woods who's adopted by a commoner couple that later in life discovers an immense talent in magic. But the magic system in the story itself and how it is presented is so graceful that it got me excited. The last time I was this excited about magic in fiction was when I started reading Witch Hat Atelier. But then again, every peak has valleys, the title is fairly new and only has about 20-something chapters translated online, which was my second problem with reading manhwas and mangas. I am still grateful though.

Now, let's talk about what I realized while reading that title. One of my preferences when reading works of fiction was apparently about magic itself. Specifically, the kind of mainstream magic which enables you to do extraordinary things with your mind. I feel like I am drawn the most to magic as a concept. Though I can still enjoy them, one of my gripes with the Isekai genre or just fantasy manhwas is how most of them never properly try to confront magic and instead cheaply explain away magic with those game screen stats. I love a good game status window fantasy, but often times they feel cheap and clunky with no added value to the story. I always find myself laughing excitedly whenever I find the rare ones that really try to work with magic a little more seriously. Such as the two titles I have mentioned previously along with other titles such as Reincarnated as a Slime if you're going for a more Isekai-like title with a “gamified” feel or Faraway Paladin which captured the atmospheric experience of your typical TTRPGs like D&D. I just want to be immersed in a world where magic exists and it's this amazing thing, probably because the world we live in currently is a bit too exhausting to live in.

Anyways, it's been a while since I wrote this much and I kind of miss it. I just like ranting to the void of the internet about stuff. Especially stuff that I'm passionate about. If you have any title recommendations that has more of what I described just now, please reach out to me through my socials such as emailing me or find me on mastodon @singodimejo@astral.camp. That's all for today and until next time, be well my friend

Yours Truly, Singodimejo

I believe I found one of a kind mobile game and I would love to share them with you all today. The title of the game is Magium, which follows the story of an average human named Barry in his quest to obtain magic by participating in a continent-wide competition for mages from all over the world. Why? because the main price is access to this mythical “thing” known as Magium, which is only known by the rumors of how powerful and magically potent it is. Our main protagonist, who is obsessed with magic, believes that there is a chance that the Magium can grant him the ability to wield magic which was previously understood as a purely innate birthright of a lucky few in his race. Thus, we follow his daring adventures throughout the competition.

While most mobile CYOA I've seen in the fantasy genre centers more on the game-like mechanics of TTRPGs, making the app more of a decorated turn-based fighting game, Magium feels more like a digitalized CYOA book akin to R.L. Stine's famous “Goosebumps” franchise. The only “game mechanic” you have is some sort of status point system that will determine the success of certain actions, dictating your playstyle and the vibe of the story you get to read. However, due to this project being more similar to novels, there are a lot of constraints on the reader's influence on the story's plot. I do believe those constraints are tolerable as the story itself is quite fun to read.

I am writing about it to show my support for the wonderful game and to expose it to all of you, good people of the interwebs. If you are interested in things like fantasy and would like to try a weird new type of content, I'd recommend this to you. I hope you enjoy them at least as much as I had. Until next time, be well my friend.

Twisting my brain over...

The Pots and Pans Problem

It happens every time I move somewhere

Every. Time

The place feels so big and expensive, there must be room for all my stuff, and then some! That is, until I'm actually staring at the mountains of boxes in the space.

Especially kitchen stuff.

And through physical exhaustion moving piles of stuff and decision fatigue trying to think through the collosal Tetris puzzle that is 'Moving in', it always comes down to just shoving things into drawers and cabinets just to have it out of the way. “If I don't like it this way, I can just move it somewhere else later,” I always say. Famous last words (unless they're not? I suppose not, I've had plenty of words since then. Oh well.)

So life carries on. Weeks, months, even years of daily life pass by. And if you're anything like me, some things begin to irk you. Maybe it's an inconvenient cabinet to pull out some pans, or the pots don't quite fit the way you want, or general flow around the space is clumsy, whatever. It might be a good idea to reorganize.

Buuut, all the other kitchen implements already take up all the other spaces. Trying to optimize the space to improve quality of life would require a tremendous amount of time and effort, so everything continues to sit and be irksome.

The same could be true for other aspects of our lives. Maybe it's little behaviors we picked up to get through a hard time. Or dream projects that keep trying to spill out of the mental cabinet. It could be just daily junk from news and media making it really inconvenient to reach that pot of ambition or pan of relaxation.

All I know is I've got a lot of decluttering and organizing to work on. How's your kitchen faring?

One of the things I have struggled with quite a lot in my life is this weird characteristic of “momentum” in my mental state. If I'm motivated by a project, I would literally spend hours grinding my mind and body away until I'm either satisfied my the result or rendered disfunctional by fatigue and/or frustration. However, if by any chanve I give myself some sort of break, I easily slip into a different problem where I give myself more and more leniency to the point of being a no-good bum.

It felt like the famous Sisyphus' curse of moving a boulder up the hill only for it to roll back down right before the task is finished. I can't tell if I'm making much , if any, progress after the dust settles in each attempt. And even if I do make some progress, the mental burden of having to go through the hill multiple times just to make a fraction of an inch of progress in every cycle of attempt can be overwhelming and despair-inducing at times.

This idea of momentum doesn't only happen to general things like achieving life goals or something. It also applies to my day-to-day life where if I'm in the middle of something I'm highly focused kn and I get distracted, I used to often throw tantrums. Well, I've gotten better at managing those tantrums by avoiding being highly invested on things I do. That means I subconsciously avoid doing things I enjoy just because I'm scared of being interrupted and have my mood ruined.

It's illogical and honestly kind of a depressing discovery of my own behavior. I wish I can remedy this particular puzzle of my psyche. In the mean time, be well my friend.

Some off the rail thoughts about...

The Celebration of Bad

“Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink.” An oft repeated nugget of wisdom from my uncle, or maybe the internet. Who knows at this point. It pairs well with another classic expression, “Everyone's a critic.”

Criticism isn't entirely a new idea, though some casual googling suggests the term and practice came about sometime in the 17th century, which coincides with the rise of printed works rising in popularity that were not the Bible. As a result, it became a newspaper feature to inform folks of a newly available title and maybe some thoughts if it's worth the investment. Today we refer to it as “Journalistic Criticism”.

It wasn't too long before literary enthusiasts began publishing more pointed opinions, seeking to raise or destroy the profile of local authors they deemed worthy. Fast forward a couple centuries and it was easy to slot those fancy new talking pictures into the same format. A lot of coverage focused simply on the release of a new title and a few impressions. But a new generation of nerds came about becoming the latest taste makers of cinema.

Fundamentally, these critics certainly had a deep love of their chosen media. At the end of the day, however, they were always concerned with what is “Good”, by whatever arbitrary metrics and standards they devised.

Enter Mystery Science Theatre 3000, brain child of Joel Hodgson. Inspired by the likes of “The Golden Turkey Awards”, which nominated and awarded the worst movies, MST3K took to commentating and joking over old B-tier films. The kind of parody may be older, but it was the first time I was made aware that just because something is maybe “Not Good” does not mean it has no value. Even if the only value might be poking fun at it.

Speeding through history again, we see the rapid explosion of video games hitting worldwide markets. And again, a cottage industry of reviewers informed the public of what was worth a substantial price tag. The best were put on pedestals while the rest were tossed to the gutters of history. At least, until the internet popped up.

Much nostalgia was waxed for arcades and past generations of home consoles. Aggravations were shared for money wasted on bad rentals or squandered gift opportunities with regrettable titles. Until comedy found its way round again to make light of bad video games with the likes of James Rolph his creation: The Angry Video Game Nerd (formerly The Angry Nintendo Nerd).

This video series took early video sites by storm. A novel mix of nostalgia exploration and foul mouthed lamentations infected my adolescent mind as I watched them on repeat alternating between nodding in agreement and howling with laughter. It was such a wildly successful format, many speculate it single handedly paved the way for most (if not all) video game content on YouTube. Personally, nearly everything I consumed on YouTube from the late oughts through the mid 10's got their start doing largely the same thing: find an off beat “bad” game, poke fun at it, add a review spin to it, maybe even validate some elements of it.

Thankfully, there's been evolutions in content creation. Not everything needs to be presented with an over the top aire of vitriol. Many creators now make deep dive documentaries on technology and specific titles. Others simply take an honest look at a game and comment on what works and what makes it a worthwhile visit today. And still others just show off playing them for the simple joy of playing.

And that's a beautiful thing. Taking movies or games that may have been lambasted or pushed aside when it came out and giving it a sort of second chance. Not necessarily to defend a specific title, but for the pure love of a medium and just wanting to celebrate all of it, good or bad.

(Disclaimer: These rambling thoughts were at one time part of a larger piece taking up space in the cluttered attic of my mind. Maybe someday I'll come back to this and rework it into a more polished full piece.)

A casual ramble about...

Frivolity

To know me is to know that “being in a bit of a slump” is effectively my natural state of being. I have discussed many times, at exhaustive length, my general malaise toward life; a certain hopelessness about my position. I struggle most every day with finding joy in anything I do. Even the things I tell myself I would love to spend my dwindling free time with have a habit of twisting into acts of despair. In response, on these numerous occasions, my partner has brought up a classic thought experiment:

“If money were no object, what is it you would want to do?”

That's usually where the conversation ends. I have never had a good answer. Maybe I do now. Although, it's not a satisfying one.

I want to fail.

Given the premise, presumably I would be free to pursue anything my heart desires. And while that framing is most often used to break one's preconceived notions of “success” or “what is a proper way of life”, inherent is also the privilege to just try things.

Perhaps that's what I want most. The luxury to throw precious time and expense at a smattering of projects just to see if I like them, if I find them fulfilling, if I can derive a sense of meaning from the experience.

For so long I have found myself in a life that has been dangling by the proverbial thread. There has been little room for errors in expending energy, time and money on frivolous projects that do not actively contribute to the household. It sounds like Nirvana to be given the chance to resurrect the buried forgotten box of dead dreams just to find out they are a poor fit for me; to explore the breadth of long held interests to discover I will never attain mastery of those skills; and to perhaps reclaim a locked away sense of humanity with the glee of a fool who proudly recognizes they know nothing, chases curiosity with reckless abandon, and fails at everything except enlightening their sprit.

What would you do?

I have been in college for 5.5 years, with that half being a personal break, and in that time I have noticed a pattern in my own behavior. I seem to be experiencing mild panic/anxiety attacks more frequently when it comes to college matters. I took that break from college in what was supposed to be my 5th semester and realized something horrible. I was not interested in mechanical engineering at all. I am in awe of how much innovation it took in that field to get humanity to our current level. But at the end of the day, it was just that. Fascination. It is akin to how you'd feel when you see beautiful scenery. I mistook that feeling for passion, and my judgment was also clouded by the logic behind choosing a major with one of the best prospects and also my personal history since my father is also a mechanical engineer. It felt like it was the safest and therefore correct answer back then.

I have failed to realize that I've known deep down that it was not the right choice for me. All along, the fire that burned in my heart was that of a forge, which fuel my love of creation. I love the active act of creating something. From poetry to illustrations, all the way to coding. I've always loved the idea and feeling of creating something with my own two hands. I know I can use my knowledge of mechanical engineering to create something, but most engineers know that the majority of the work in mechanical engineering is in either management or research. And I am neither a manager nor a researcher. I know some people love these things and it is admirable to be good at them. But I realized now that for me to be happy or content with my life, my next phase in life needs to take into account my love for creating something with my own two hands.

I have vague ideas about how I want to tackle this new year, but that's just how I like to live my life. My attempt to conform to societal norms like having and following a detailed plan for my future is what got me into this messy headspace. I shall now revert to the last version of myself that was happy. The one that has vague ideas and navigates the world adaptively, rather than the one that tries to predict the future and play with numbers and statistics to obtain a “picture-perfect life”. I just hope I won't cause too much anxiety for the people I love and care for, like my partner and my family. Since I like to live my life in a bit of a reckless way to some people.

Wish me luck, and I wish you well friends.

Mulling over...

Definitions

I spend a lot of mental bandwidth, both alone or in conversation, considering definitions. For whatever series of afflictions my brain has, I am constantly trying to find the most appropriate word or clarifying definitions in a hopeless effort to communicate as clearly as possible. Which brings us to today's deliberation: genders.

To be clear, if you tell me how you identify, I don't have a problem accepting that. But as political discourse is determined to keep this some kind of smoldering volcano of debate, I have been attempting to think through some kind of airtight argument, should the need arise to educate the ignorant in my life. As it so happens, I found a post on the clock app also working through the same thing. It wasn't the cleanest argument, despite offering some inspiration for how to approach the situation, though frankly the content is a bit beside the point on this one.

It was the comments.

The comments were...I would call them 'oof', but at this point they were exactly as you would expect them to be. Specifically, one exchange really stuck out:

A: Don't y'all get any dictionaries anymore? B: We do, even updated ones. You should try reading it sometime C: Look up the definition of 'woman', you'll see it's backed by science D: It's defined as “one who identifies with the female gender E: Forget that, I'm going back to the OLD definition

It finally dawned on me that definitions DON'T MATTER.

At the end of the day, both sides are arguing about their feelings and beliefs, desperately grasping for something we consider “objective” as the yard stick to measure the world by and proudly proclaim “By this measure, I am right.” Words, language, definitions, none of it is set in stone, despite centuries of schooling trying to convince us otherwise. However, there's something more fundamental about words, language, and definitions we tend to overlook.

They are just tools.

Tools to uplift, tools to divide, tools to group, tools to examine, tools to destroy. Language is largely a sloppy, thrown together system of sounds and symbols in an attempt to convey our interior worlds to the outside world.

And so I wonder what the interior worlds of other people are like. To the naysayers, the the angry ones who put down others, is this all life is to them? What makes them so determined to argue until blue in the face about the meaning of a word or how someone identifies? Fear? Anger? A walled garden they have never seen over the hedges of?

What kind of compassion does it take for everyone to realize we're all flung into the cosmos on this silly little blue marble together? Probably more than some silly words lost in a silly place, but things have started from stranger places.

There's nothing that tickles my need for contents of magical wonders quite like the show “The Librarian”. I've briefly mentioned before in another platform within the astral realm that it is a favorite TV Show of mine. It follows the story of a team of geniuses selected by a magical library to become librarians tasked to retrieve and secure magical artifacts so that they may not be abused by others for personal gain. Along their journey, they are accompanied by a guardian which was tasked to protect those librarians, be it their physical bodies or their hearts and soul from the temptations or other dangers of magic itself.

The show itself has a mediocre production value, but what it lacks in visual flair, it makes up in worldbuilding. It is one of the more interesting takes on the “hidden magic society” trope though they didn't innovate much or reinvent the wheel but rather played to their strengths and built their own narrative progressively. They managed to create a simple yet elegant magic system that supports the main idea of the story. The world itself seems to also be affected by previous stories, making the world feel more tangible to the audience.

Most of the characters in the main cast have a pretty interesting background and though they're not original, they create quite compelling interactions with each other to create vulnerable moments that are a treat to follow. The way they interact with each other and with the world is also internally consistent, making it a wonderfully satisfying show to watch in my humble opinion.

And the stories itself is full of fun, quirky, and interesting magical phenomenons that keep me wanting more and more. The only “downside” is that there was never a real sense of danger or risk in it. This show has a very cliche approach of “happily ever after” to the endings of their stories. This is one of the things that I liked about the show but I acknowledge that it can make the show unappealing to some.

The show is such a fun experience and I had a blast rewatching the entire thing. I'm still pretty sad that I won't get more of that show. But I am pretty content with where they left the show. Overall, I give the show a 7.5/10 and would recommend it to those who loved “Doctor Who” for its campy adventures and shenanigans. “The Librarians” won't match the writing quality of “Doctor Who”, but it certainly scratches the same itch for me.

The AI portraits have been all over TikTok, and most of them that I've seen are beautiful. And I've really wanted to try it. Just in general I don't really have a lot of pictures of myself, and even fewer where I feel pretty, and it would be nice to feel pretty. I'd like to have some of those beautiful portraits of myself to use on social media or for whatever else, or just to have.

However.

I understand that there is a not insignificant ethical issue when it comes to things like that. For one, there's the whole stolen art thing. I would be using AI to create portraits, and then using those for my own vanity, without any means of crediting the people actually responsible for the art behind it.

There's the issue of feeding pictures into AI for facial recognition, which just feels kind of icky, just in general.

It all feels kind of cold. Yes the pictures are beautiful, and it's impressive, and from a technology standpoint this is really cool. But the beauty of art is the humanity in it. And while out of vanity I would really like to have the pretty pictures, it just feels wrong to me.

So I'll probably just stick to enjoying the ones that other people make.

I suppose the first post should probably be some manner of introduction. Well, hello.

The whole Lenore thing I pulled from a few different places. Edger Allen Poe of course, but not exactly for a straight forward reason. Like how in Ever After, Danielle's father gives her Utopia, and it's the last book he gives her before he dies, the Complete Works of Edger Allen Poe was the last book my father gave me before he died.

Also, I really enjoy Roman Dirge's Lenore comic.

As for a theme for this fun little blog... There probably won't be one. I've tried writing a blog following a theme, and it doesn't seem to work out too terribly well for me. So we'll see where this goes.

It'll be a fun little adventure.