The Messy Table

One of my many personal plights of being “smart” when I was growing up is that I have never built a habit out of taking notes. It also manifests into my biggest struggle during college which was documenting the experiment that I was conducting. I write to express and work through thoughts and emotions, so I only recently figured out why I find it so difficult to take notes. It is a different skill altogether.

As you can read in my previous post, the type of writing I naturally go for is a personal essay. I do it all the time, be it on social media or just in a personal obsidian vault. The problem is, I was trying to also figure out how to manage my life recently because I have been made aware that I can be unreliable due to my forgetful nature. The thing is, I still struggle trying to figure out how to best do it.

I have been trying multiple ways to organize my thoughts and document my process for self-reflection. I think I'm too easily overwhelmed when I realize there is a big mess. And there's always a big mess. Especially when you're going through life depending on your mental prowess alone like I've been doing. So I tried to develop a personal system to organize my life.

The thing is, I am not used to the idea of iterating on a system. Even now, whenever the topic comes up, my immediate instinct is to start over. Because I believe that if there is a better system, the previous one need to be abandoned cleanly. I don't like debts, especially the technical kind. This makes it incredibly difficult for me to decide on my own system for taking and organizing notes for both my professional and personal life. I keep restarting instead of progressing, and that frustration builds up even if I'm mostly unaware of it. But I can't seem to get over the messiness of the previous iterations.

I guess all I'm saying is I'm getting more frustrated because I'm more aware that I have a very messy life to the point of hindering me from doing things I want to do in life. I hope I can figure this out better in the future.

Farewell for now and safe travels, traveler.

Yours Truly, Singodimejo