As you can read in my previous post, the type of writing I naturally go for is a personal essay. I do it all the time, be it on social media or just in a personal obsidian vault. The problem is, I was trying to also figure out how to manage my life recently because I have been made aware that I can be unreliable due to my forgetful nature. The thing is, I still struggle trying to figure out how to best do it.

I have been trying multiple ways to organize my thoughts and document my process for self-reflection. I think I'm too easily overwhelmed when I realize there is a big mess. And there's always a big mess. Especially when you're going through life depending on your mental prowess alone like I've been doing. So I tried to develop a personal system to organize my life.

The thing is, I am not used to the idea of iterating on a system. Even now, whenever the topic comes up, my immediate instinct is to start over. Because I believe that if there is a better system, the previous one need to be abandoned cleanly. I don't like debts, especially the technical kind. This makes it incredibly difficult for me to decide on my own system for taking and organizing notes for both my professional and personal life. I keep restarting instead of progressing, and that frustration builds up even if I'm mostly unaware of it. But I can't seem to get over the messiness of the previous iterations.

I guess all I'm saying is I'm getting more frustrated because I'm more aware that I have a very messy life to the point of hindering me from doing things I want to do in life. I hope I can figure this out better in the future.

Farewell for now and safe travels, traveler.

Yours Truly, Singodimejo

My mind is filled with debilitating conflict of ideas. I enjoy the act of writing but once I try to write, I find it hard to find an idea to write about. Finding inspiration feels like grasping at clouds. But that first video opened up a new avenue of writing by putting a name to my seemingly aimless rants which was essays. The creator of the first video points out that an essay is an attempt to make sense of the world around. That single statement puts into perspective unto most things I write and my particular pseudo-conversational style of writing. I am trying to make sense of the world by talking to an imaginary listener. No, more accurately, talking to a separate instance of myself which sometimes corrects me midway through a sentence. It comes to a point where whenever I write in micro blogs you can sometimes find orphaned words from one of those versions of myself left behind. One of the my favorite mechanism of magic in fiction is the metaphysical power behind words, borderline divine concept of speaking phenomena into being by uttering them. It felt like that creator cast a spell on me, validating my ramblings by giving it a proper name. It was electrifying.

With this newfound love for writing, I came across the next amazing concept. The idea of independent research. Independent in regards to academic institutions, and thus encompasses professionals and amateurs alike. Hearing anecdotes of people wildly varying and equally interesting researches not really bound to the confines of a formal institution was extraordinary. From the witch trials of Salem to the history of ancient Egypt, curiosity filled the minds of many. Curiosity so pure it is bewildering, to the point of inviting envy. The creator of the video suggests that independent research is generally conducted in 3 steps. Firstly, the researcher collects resources and chooses a subject matter to research. Secondly, they would organize a syllabus to dive into those resources, allocating time and designing the path of reading to obtain a more comprehensive understanding of the subject matter. Thirdly, an optional step for amateurs, is to compile their findings into a piece of organized literature that can be shared or even reviewed by peers. I still feel like research, independent as they may be, is still a luxury I can't afford right now. But I am glad to discover that it is only because of my personal circumstances and immediate goal instead of other external factors.

And so I write this so that maybe I can remind myself in the future (whenever I find this essay again) that writing and learning is not something so rigid, but can be used as an intellectual exercise and a free form of expression as one makes their way in this erratic world and society. As always, safe travels and be well my friend.

Yours Truly, Singodimejo

So I've been toiling away, studying Japanese and trying to absorb more knowledge so that I can seem more employable while I toil away at my “temporary” work. It's a year-long contract which may or may not get renewed each time it ends.

My weird place and situation within this company makes it feel like I'm in a limbo. I'm at a place where I barely have any directives or goals, basically left to manage myself without really clear guidance on how to set targets or deadlines or even how to communicate them.

I feel like I'm missing something here. I don't think this is how you're supposed to work, but it's not like I want to ask for more work. So I'm applying for this internship in Japan hoping to broaden my horizon and level up my skills. Or maybe I'll just keep playing catch up because I can't start conversations properly, only keep it going somewhat.

Until then, at least a few weeks of this limbo until I hear back from that internship. Wish me luck!

Yours Truly, Singodimejo

However, every time I struck gold on a particular title, it is pure ecstasy. The rush I felt whenever a new story begins to catch my intrigue? It is simply addictive. I recently found an amazing manhwa title that helps me see what is it that I like to read the most. The title of the manhwa is Infinite Mage. The story itself isn't doing anything new, being about a baby abandoned in the woods who's adopted by a commoner couple that later in life discovers an immense talent in magic. But the magic system in the story itself and how it is presented is so graceful that it got me excited. The last time I was this excited about magic in fiction was when I started reading Witch Hat Atelier. But then again, every peak has valleys, the title is fairly new and only has about 20-something chapters translated online, which was my second problem with reading manhwas and mangas. I am still grateful though.

Now, let's talk about what I realized while reading that title. One of my preferences when reading works of fiction was apparently about magic itself. Specifically, the kind of mainstream magic which enables you to do extraordinary things with your mind. I feel like I am drawn the most to magic as a concept. Though I can still enjoy them, one of my gripes with the Isekai genre or just fantasy manhwas is how most of them never properly try to confront magic and instead cheaply explain away magic with those game screen stats. I love a good game status window fantasy, but often times they feel cheap and clunky with no added value to the story. I always find myself laughing excitedly whenever I find the rare ones that really try to work with magic a little more seriously. Such as the two titles I have mentioned previously along with other titles such as Reincarnated as a Slime if you're going for a more Isekai-like title with a “gamified” feel or Faraway Paladin which captured the atmospheric experience of your typical TTRPGs like D&D. I just want to be immersed in a world where magic exists and it's this amazing thing, probably because the world we live in currently is a bit too exhausting to live in.

Anyways, it's been a while since I wrote this much and I kind of miss it. I just like ranting to the void of the internet about stuff. Especially stuff that I'm passionate about. If you have any title recommendations that has more of what I described just now, please reach out to me through my socials such as emailing me or find me on mastodon @singodimejo@astral.camp. That's all for today and until next time, be well my friend

Yours Truly, Singodimejo

While most mobile CYOA I've seen in the fantasy genre centers more on the game-like mechanics of TTRPGs, making the app more of a decorated turn-based fighting game, Magium feels more like a digitalized CYOA book akin to R.L. Stine's famous “Goosebumps” franchise. The only “game mechanic” you have is some sort of status point system that will determine the success of certain actions, dictating your playstyle and the vibe of the story you get to read. However, due to this project being more similar to novels, there are a lot of constraints on the reader's influence on the story's plot. I do believe those constraints are tolerable as the story itself is quite fun to read.

I am writing about it to show my support for the wonderful game and to expose it to all of you, good people of the interwebs. If you are interested in things like fantasy and would like to try a weird new type of content, I'd recommend this to you. I hope you enjoy them at least as much as I had. Until next time, be well my friend.

It felt like the famous Sisyphus' curse of moving a boulder up the hill only for it to roll back down right before the task is finished. I can't tell if I'm making much , if any, progress after the dust settles in each attempt. And even if I do make some progress, the mental burden of having to go through the hill multiple times just to make a fraction of an inch of progress in every cycle of attempt can be overwhelming and despair-inducing at times.

This idea of momentum doesn't only happen to general things like achieving life goals or something. It also applies to my day-to-day life where if I'm in the middle of something I'm highly focused kn and I get distracted, I used to often throw tantrums. Well, I've gotten better at managing those tantrums by avoiding being highly invested on things I do. That means I subconsciously avoid doing things I enjoy just because I'm scared of being interrupted and have my mood ruined.

It's illogical and honestly kind of a depressing discovery of my own behavior. I wish I can remedy this particular puzzle of my psyche. In the mean time, be well my friend.

I have failed to realize that I've known deep down that it was not the right choice for me. All along, the fire that burned in my heart was that of a forge, which fuel my love of creation. I love the active act of creating something. From poetry to illustrations, all the way to coding. I've always loved the idea and feeling of creating something with my own two hands. I know I can use my knowledge of mechanical engineering to create something, but most engineers know that the majority of the work in mechanical engineering is in either management or research. And I am neither a manager nor a researcher. I know some people love these things and it is admirable to be good at them. But I realized now that for me to be happy or content with my life, my next phase in life needs to take into account my love for creating something with my own two hands.

I have vague ideas about how I want to tackle this new year, but that's just how I like to live my life. My attempt to conform to societal norms like having and following a detailed plan for my future is what got me into this messy headspace. I shall now revert to the last version of myself that was happy. The one that has vague ideas and navigates the world adaptively, rather than the one that tries to predict the future and play with numbers and statistics to obtain a “picture-perfect life”. I just hope I won't cause too much anxiety for the people I love and care for, like my partner and my family. Since I like to live my life in a bit of a reckless way to some people.

Wish me luck, and I wish you well friends.

The show itself has a mediocre production value, but what it lacks in visual flair, it makes up in worldbuilding. It is one of the more interesting takes on the “hidden magic society” trope though they didn't innovate much or reinvent the wheel but rather played to their strengths and built their own narrative progressively. They managed to create a simple yet elegant magic system that supports the main idea of the story. The world itself seems to also be affected by previous stories, making the world feel more tangible to the audience.

Most of the characters in the main cast have a pretty interesting background and though they're not original, they create quite compelling interactions with each other to create vulnerable moments that are a treat to follow. The way they interact with each other and with the world is also internally consistent, making it a wonderfully satisfying show to watch in my humble opinion.

And the stories itself is full of fun, quirky, and interesting magical phenomenons that keep me wanting more and more. The only “downside” is that there was never a real sense of danger or risk in it. This show has a very cliche approach of “happily ever after” to the endings of their stories. This is one of the things that I liked about the show but I acknowledge that it can make the show unappealing to some.

The show is such a fun experience and I had a blast rewatching the entire thing. I'm still pretty sad that I won't get more of that show. But I am pretty content with where they left the show. Overall, I give the show a 7.5/10 and would recommend it to those who loved “Doctor Who” for its campy adventures and shenanigans. “The Librarians” won't match the writing quality of “Doctor Who”, but it certainly scratches the same itch for me.

Most of the pieces of media I have in mind have pretty low dramatical tension or have some sort of predictability to them. It is relaxing to watch something that doesn't get you to feel things that are too stimulating, but rather something that you can watch to comfort yourself with. I feel like these pieces of media are slightly underrated for the function that they serve.

I've recently just binged 5 seasons of the TV Show Sitcom called “The Neighborhood”. The premise of the show was about a white family from Michigan that moved to a predominantly black neighborhood. It is a very light show to watch, and it has most of the things I love about TV shows. It has a solidly written three-dimensional cast of lovable characters interacting and influencing each other to become better people, a lighthearted/corny comedy, a good message to deliver, and your typical sitcom mostly episodic format.

I loved the show so much that I practically watched it every chance I got ever since my finals were finished catching up to date with 5 seasons of it in about 3 days. And when I finished, I wanted to talk about it with other people around me but I can already picture how my friends would react if they ever gave the show a try. Most of them would be indifferent about it. So it got me thinking about other pieces of media that I've personally loved that might not be so hot with my circle of friends and family.

TV shows like “The Librarian”, “Grimm”, or “The Good Place”. Though that last one is actually popular, most of the people around me aren't that impressed by it. “The Intern” is the one movie that keeps popping up in my head whenever people ask me what's my favorite movie, even though I have watched and enjoyed other movies more. These things seem pretty odd choices for favorites, but somehow those are the kinds of pieces of media my mind wanders to when I need to choose a favorite. And I feel bad for being guilty of liking them because they don't hold up to other people's standards.

So in the end, I at least want to show my love and appreciation for those pieces of media in my own way, by blogging about them in a blog built on a corner of the internet that I love though I don't currently share that love with anyone in my IRL circle.

As always, I appreciate any of you that spends some of your time reading this stuff and I wish you well on your journey beyond. Be well, my friend.

I was so used to being independent and capable that even the thought of failure can induce a level of anxiety that incapacitate me. Life grew more and more frustrating as I walk through life I start making excuses and finding faults in everything else but myself. Either that or I start going hard in the opposite direction and beat myself up and curse myself for every single tiny flaw and even forecasted a dark and dreadful future for myself due to my incompetence.

It got to a point where I couldn't enjoy the stuff I used to love in the past, like sketching. Everything I do often becomes a question of “Will this help me succeed in the future?” so even a simple sketch becomes an object of critique. It got so bad because I couldn't even properly define what “success” meant for me. Maybe it was financially? maybe it was other societal expectations? religious goals? It all blends into one simple horrible sentiment. It doesn't matter since I'm failing at every single one of those and probably any other metric I forgot to mention.

I think I managed to properly convey how horrible of a relationship I have with failure. But, I had an interesting thought that can hopefully steer this post in a more positive direction. I want to talk about curiosity and how it's related to the concept of failure. Curiosity is a positive emotional response to failure and incompetence, while its negative counterpart is shame or insecurity.

Think about it for a second, one of the defining characteristics of children is that they are curious. They have always been that way and that is what drives them to learn about all things in their developing years. They learned how to do things like walk and talk because they are curious. Curious about how the people around them can do things they can't. And so their curiosity drove them to try again and again and again. They take their time and they keep at it with no regard for how many times they failed. It is because they had no prior concept of shame or insecurity. They just know that it's possible since people around them can do it too, even though they themselves can't do the thing just yet.

Curiosity is one of the most precious traits of humankind. It is the driving force of human progress, be it as a whole species/society or as individuals. And it is eroded by shame and insecurity. The more we shame those who are incapable or incompetent, the less likely they are to be curious or to keep trying to reach any goal. Thus, I think the world would be a better place if we learn to cultivate curiosity and penalize shaming people that aren't yet capable of something.

As a burnt-out grown-up gifted child, I have a terrible relationship with failure. It made me take years to realize that failure isn't the end of the journey, it is the beginning of it. It is a marker on the side of the street saying that there is more road ahead of you. Thus, you should continue the journey ahead.

And remember that the journey is not a race, let alone a sprint. It is a marathon at best, though it's more enjoyable to treat it as just a leisurely stroll. Enjoy every step and see where the road takes you. Until then, safe travels and be well.

Yours Truly, Singodimejo