A Thorough Introduction
A Tale Behind The Name
Greetings! I am Pangkualam Singodimejo. It is a name I chose for my online persona, crafted through luck, vibes, and half-ass research on the internet. Truly a name fitting for me.
It is written in my native tongue, with vague meanings that I am not sure actually exist. “Pangkualam” is supposed to be a name that describes a person of brilliant and creative nature. It is an old custom where I live to name one's child with a prayer for the future of the child. Thus, this is my prayer for my own future. This part of the name is the one I claimed for myself rather recently. And it is the part I researched very lazily.
For a long time, I've taken the name “Singodimejo” for my outward-facing persona on the internet. It is actually stolen from another person. I've come across the name because there was a foreigner in my Silat dojo back in my high school days who took a native name and made a book. I loved the sound of the name and how silly the literal meaning is. “Singodimejo” is a word made out of the sentence “Singo di mejo”. “Singo” means Lion, “di mejo” means on a table. It literally translates to just Lion on a table. I find it hilarious and decided to take the name for myself.
Thus, Pangkualam Singodimejo was born. moving forward, I plan to use this pseudonym on anything I create for the public. Though it is such a native-sounding name, I won't be doing any native cultural content. I just created it that way to remind myself of my roots, my prayer, and my silly nature.
A Brief Personal History
I have been alive on this earth since before the turn of the millennia. It is a rather colorful journey so far. I am the first child in a family of 5 and grew up in a middle-class family in a third-world country. According to my mother, she had suspected that I could be autistic as a child but was scared to go to a psychologist to confirm. I only tried to take the self-evaluation test recently and it seemed to line up somewhat. I try not to dive head-first into that assumption since it didn't really affect my life unreasonably. Though if we're going by the TikTok algorithm, I might also have ADHD which isn't far-fetched considering what I've read about it and how it compares to my personal experiences.
I grew up a Muslim, yet I've personally struggled with faith these days. One of the main reasons was because due to the terrorist scares back in 2012(?) I was bullied because my parents were devout believers and dressed like the depictions of terrorists in the news. The bullying left a mental scar and I unconsciously hid my faith from the world. I am currently trying to reconnect with my faith but it is a struggle. I do keep the general ideas from my religion such as being kind as an integral part of my personal conduct. I am making efforts to be a better person in general and personally, I just believe religion should play a part in my efforts.
I wasn't really aware of any personal traits or hobbies I've had since I've just been living my life in a passive manner trying to please the people around me. The fatigue finally caught up to me and I finally tried to be more aware of my own needs and wants. I always had a fascination with creating something. I've doodled A LOT in my school days which slowly faded away but I've made efforts to come back to it. I also find incredible comfort in writing, though I often find that I don't have much to say and I also critique myself way too much over my writing. And only recently I found out that I enjoy tinkering with technologies like those that power the web, servers, the cloud, and a handful of others.
I have been trying to build a career in IT since it feels quite rewarding and also a bit more concrete with art. I am also pursuing other fun things like Japanese because I want to try moving there for work. I have been neglecting writing and drawing for a long while due to this newfound ambition but I am still identifies as a reader and avid enjoyer of art.
I've learned that I was lucky to be raised with kind values, and I will forever be grateful to my parents for that. But I've also learned the hard way that I need to value myself just as much and treat myself with just as much kindness as I've extended to other people. I just hope I'll find that balance someday.
A Future to Pursue
The world of adults has not been kind to me. I am working with vague job descriptions, meager pay, and no path to advance within the company. So I have focused my time and energy studying for certifications in preparations for me to go abroad to Japan. Why? because I'm a bit of a weeb and I have romanticized the country a little. But I do think pragmatically that there are a lot of opportunities there for me in the IT industry. Most English-speaking countries are a bit more stingy in accepting “immigrants”.
I am not so idealistic as to pursue a career in the arts, be it illustrative or literary. But I'm hoping that once I get a job in Japan, I can make some time to indulge in the arts as a hobby. A way to express myself freely and proudly. Here's hoping I get there.